Poo News: Our First “I Eat Poop” Award
Poo News cuts through the crap after a Trump-supporting F-150 driver parks in a handicap space, leaving an older disabled woman without accessible parking.
DR
DrShit ·
Poo News
Hello, and welcome to Poo News — where we cut through the crap, break apart the chunk, and get to what actually matters. We are not here to polish bad behavior or wrap stupidity in enough careful language that nobody can tell what actually happened. Sometimes you have to look directly at the pile in front of you, figure out where the smell is coming from, and say exactly what you think.
Today’s news is not anything huge. Nobody crashed the stock market, started a war, or exposed some massive conspiracy. But it was a big deal to the older disabled woman who arrived looking for a handicap parking space and discovered there were none left. So today, Poo News is officially handing out our very first “I EAT POOP” Award, represented by one of our brand-new four-inch stickers, to the Trump-supporting asshole whose parking decision earned him the honor.
A large Ford F-150 rolled into the parking lot covered in Trump flags and carrying a personalized Trump license plate. His politics were impossible to miss, which is completely his right. The problem was not who he supported. The problem was what he did next.
He pulled directly into a handicap parking space without a handicap placard.
I watched him park, open the door, and climb down from a truck that seemed to be doing most of the talking for him. He was a very short man stepping out of a very large F-150, and the contrast between the size of the driver and the size of the presentation was hard to ignore. The truck, the flags, and the personalized plate were all operating at maximum volume, while the actual man climbing down from it was considerably smaller than the machinery announcing his arrival.
That could have remained nothing more than another irritating parking-lot moment, except an older woman with a disability arrived shortly afterward looking for accessible parking.
There were no handicap spaces left.
That is where the story matters.
Handicap spaces do not exist because somebody wanted to give certain drivers better real estate. They exist because people may need additional room for wheelchairs, walkers, mobility devices, ramps, safer entry and exit, or a shorter distance to a building. For somebody without those limitations, walking another fifty feet may be annoying. For somebody with a disability, that extra distance or lack of clearance can determine whether they can safely get out of the vehicle at all.
So while our F-150 driver saved himself a little walking, an older disabled woman arrived behind him and lost access to a space designed specifically for someone in her situation.
That is the chunk underneath all the crap.
The Trump flags did not make the parking wrong. The personalized Trump plate did not make it wrong. Supporting Trump did not make it wrong. If the truck had been covered in Democratic stickers, progressive slogans, environmental decals, or campaign signs for somebody on the opposite side of the political spectrum, Poo News would have exactly the same problem with it.
The parking decision was selfish all by itself.
The political decorations simply made the irony impossible to miss.
We live in a country where people increasingly defend bad behavior because they like the politics of the person doing it. If the other side does something ridiculous, everybody suddenly develops perfect moral clarity. When their own side does the same thing, excuses begin multiplying like flies around a fresh pile.
That is precisely the kind of crap Verbal Poo was built to cut through.
We do not need to know how you vote to decide whether taking a handicap parking space without a placard is wrong. We need to look at the behavior, look at who was affected, and use a little common sense.
In this case, the effect showed up almost immediately.
The older disabled woman needed a handicap space.
A man without a placard had taken one.
There were none left.
That is why this gentleman has now earned a small place in Verbal Poo history as the first recipient of our new four-inch “I EAT POOP” Award.
I had wondered who would earn the first one. You never really know how a new award is going to launch. Maybe you imagine a ceremony, a photograph, some kind of promotional rollout, or at least enough time to decide what qualifies someone for the honor.
Then karma sent an F-150.
The qualification process apparently handled itself.
That is the kind of story Poo News is interested in. Not because it changes the world, but because little decisions like this tell you something about how people treat each other when they think nobody important is watching.
Accessibility is easy to support in theory.
Respect is easy to talk about.
Rights are easy to print on a flag.
The harder part is what you do when exercising a little consideration requires you to park farther away and walk.
That is where all the slogans stop mattering.
If you do not have the right to use a handicap space, leave it open. Let the person who genuinely needs it have it. Your convenience does not outrank someone else’s mobility simply because you got there first.
That should not be controversial.
It should barely require explanation.
Poo News will keep doing what we set out to do: cut through the crap, dig into the chunk underneath, and let the truth flow without pretending every bad decision needs to be softened until nobody is responsible for anything.
If you behave like a shit, Verbal Poo may show up.
Now, we have a four-inch award for it.
Poo News — cutting through the crap to find the chunk that actually matters.
Today’s news is not anything huge. Nobody crashed the stock market, started a war, or exposed some massive conspiracy. But it was a big deal to the older disabled woman who arrived looking for a handicap parking space and discovered there were none left. So today, Poo News is officially handing out our very first “I EAT POOP” Award, represented by one of our brand-new four-inch stickers, to the Trump-supporting asshole whose parking decision earned him the honor.
A large Ford F-150 rolled into the parking lot covered in Trump flags and carrying a personalized Trump license plate. His politics were impossible to miss, which is completely his right. The problem was not who he supported. The problem was what he did next.
He pulled directly into a handicap parking space without a handicap placard.
I watched him park, open the door, and climb down from a truck that seemed to be doing most of the talking for him. He was a very short man stepping out of a very large F-150, and the contrast between the size of the driver and the size of the presentation was hard to ignore. The truck, the flags, and the personalized plate were all operating at maximum volume, while the actual man climbing down from it was considerably smaller than the machinery announcing his arrival.
That could have remained nothing more than another irritating parking-lot moment, except an older woman with a disability arrived shortly afterward looking for accessible parking.
There were no handicap spaces left.
That is where the story matters.
Handicap spaces do not exist because somebody wanted to give certain drivers better real estate. They exist because people may need additional room for wheelchairs, walkers, mobility devices, ramps, safer entry and exit, or a shorter distance to a building. For somebody without those limitations, walking another fifty feet may be annoying. For somebody with a disability, that extra distance or lack of clearance can determine whether they can safely get out of the vehicle at all.
So while our F-150 driver saved himself a little walking, an older disabled woman arrived behind him and lost access to a space designed specifically for someone in her situation.
That is the chunk underneath all the crap.
The Trump flags did not make the parking wrong. The personalized Trump plate did not make it wrong. Supporting Trump did not make it wrong. If the truck had been covered in Democratic stickers, progressive slogans, environmental decals, or campaign signs for somebody on the opposite side of the political spectrum, Poo News would have exactly the same problem with it.
The parking decision was selfish all by itself.
The political decorations simply made the irony impossible to miss.
We live in a country where people increasingly defend bad behavior because they like the politics of the person doing it. If the other side does something ridiculous, everybody suddenly develops perfect moral clarity. When their own side does the same thing, excuses begin multiplying like flies around a fresh pile.
That is precisely the kind of crap Verbal Poo was built to cut through.
We do not need to know how you vote to decide whether taking a handicap parking space without a placard is wrong. We need to look at the behavior, look at who was affected, and use a little common sense.
In this case, the effect showed up almost immediately.
The older disabled woman needed a handicap space.
A man without a placard had taken one.
There were none left.
That is why this gentleman has now earned a small place in Verbal Poo history as the first recipient of our new four-inch “I EAT POOP” Award.
I had wondered who would earn the first one. You never really know how a new award is going to launch. Maybe you imagine a ceremony, a photograph, some kind of promotional rollout, or at least enough time to decide what qualifies someone for the honor.
Then karma sent an F-150.
The qualification process apparently handled itself.
That is the kind of story Poo News is interested in. Not because it changes the world, but because little decisions like this tell you something about how people treat each other when they think nobody important is watching.
Accessibility is easy to support in theory.
Respect is easy to talk about.
Rights are easy to print on a flag.
The harder part is what you do when exercising a little consideration requires you to park farther away and walk.
That is where all the slogans stop mattering.
If you do not have the right to use a handicap space, leave it open. Let the person who genuinely needs it have it. Your convenience does not outrank someone else’s mobility simply because you got there first.
That should not be controversial.
It should barely require explanation.
Poo News will keep doing what we set out to do: cut through the crap, dig into the chunk underneath, and let the truth flow without pretending every bad decision needs to be softened until nobody is responsible for anything.
If you behave like a shit, Verbal Poo may show up.
Now, we have a four-inch award for it.
Poo News — cutting through the crap to find the chunk that actually matters.